just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
