Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
