I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
