All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
