You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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