I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
