the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
