I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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