like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
