Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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