Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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