so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
