we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
