Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
