I accidentally burped into my bong.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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