Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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