I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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