I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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