well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
