I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
