Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
