My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
