I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
