dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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