Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Having a random hookup so left but love u
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So many bounce houses so little time
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize