kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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