i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
