I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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