just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
