and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
