it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
