She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
