I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
