the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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