She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
