did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
