so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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