did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize