i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
