i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
