I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
