I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
