I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Pants are for mortals
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
