New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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