too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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