You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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