I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
