You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Are we still banned from the library?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
