No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You made out with two different species that night
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
