I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Found your dick twin last night
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
