3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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