I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
