In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Randomize
