So gin and wine won't be happening again
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
