remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
