THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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