i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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