You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
