Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
