they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
