Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
sarcasm needs its own font
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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