i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
