No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
