I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
