I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
