So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
nutella sex= disaster
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
