love makes seman taste better
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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