I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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